From Michele:
Following my first post on how we, as women, have fallen into the trap of this modern culture of climbing the corporate ladder and being all things to all people...I have had a surprising amount of our ladies ask me,"How do I change that? I'm there - and I do feel trapped. So, how do I break free?" One lady summed it up for me... "A few of us recently decided that we have educated ourselves too much for our husbands to allow us to "simply" stay home and be the Proverbs 31 woman. Trap is such a good word for this situation!!" So many others have said, "We bought this house and now, whenever I talk about staying at home, he reminds me that we cannot afford it without my income. I hate this house - I wish we never moved in it." One particular mom this week told me "I would sell anything and everything I had to so that I could stay at home with my kids...the problem is, he thinks we need this stuff." So, the question rings in my ears as I write..."how do we get out of the working-mom, never-at-home, mediocrity trap that we are in now?"
Now men, before I get started in this, realize that this is not a male-bashing fest...we are not about to blame all of this on you, however does the Bible not put the ultimate responsibility for making sure that your family operates according to the Word of God, on you? I believe so. IF your wife has expressed these desires to you, and IF you have had these conversations...it is time to make a serious plan to change. Not put it off or hope that these "maternal instincts" settle down. It will settle down - into a resentful and miserable wife! Begin taking steps toward helping her to fulfill this calling - talk about what can be "given up" and find where sacrifices can be made. The enemy will ensure that it will not be easy - following Scripture rarely is....but we are called to do it nonetheless. Ok - I'll let my husband speak to that more at another time...but I just wanted you to see that if your wife is ASKING to be at home, to be a helpmate to you and to influence her children for Christ, which is a unique calling for Biblical feminity, why would you see that as an obstacle to overcome rather than as a blessing?
Now ladies, I have been asked "how" - how do we make that happen? How do I get out of the trap? How can I make everyone at work happy AND everyone at home - I feel like I am failing EVERYWHERE! Sadly, I know EXACTLY how you feel! There have been times in our marriage where I have worked outside the home, some before children and even some periods since the boys have come along. There have also been times where my church activities have kept me so busy that I have felt like I was in this "trap" of letting everyone down...We can find ourselves there so easily and for so many reasons - so, some practical pointers:
1. Realize that you are to HONOR GOD in all that you do. Colossians 3:23 is speaking in the context of submission to authority and it says "whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward" It means that whatever situation you find yourself in at this moment, do not allow your circumstances to dictate your behavior! If you are unhappy with the workplace, your boss, the fact that you are not at home, you feel overwhelmed at home...whatever - YOU WORK HEARTILY, AS UNTO THE LORD...He is the one you are serving and you cannot forget that. In answer to some of the ideas I have heard lately - NO, you cannot start letting the chores at home "fall" so he will notice and see that you need to be at home to get them done. NO - that is manipulation and God will not be honored in that. HE knows YOU! He knows your heart even when you are not capable of knowing it yourself (Jeremiah 17:9). You give your all...every moment...for the Lord - He is the one you are serving. Honor and Glorify HIM in all that you do and do it with the attitude of love and service that glorifies Him - trusting that HE will direct you and your family.
2. Pray for your husband! If you have asked him and talked with him about your feelings on this, clearly and openly (NOT just hinting at it) - then HUSH! Proverbs 27:15 says that we can become worse than a "continual dripping" of a leaking roof! Ooohh ladies - let's watch our nagging! We want something so badly and feel justified in it because we can back it with Scripture - but that does NOT give us the right to become quarrelsome or nagging. PRAY for your husband - we show by our nagging that we do not believe that God can change him or change this situation. Do we TRUST God with our life, our home, our career, our husband? GOD can "get hold" of our husband's hearts in ways we cannot with our words....TRUST Him! After all, He can work through this situation to change US!
3. Focus on Priorities - Sometimes what seems urgent in our lives is really not most important! Remember when you feel pressure from all sides - when you have deadlines to meet, when the boss is pulling and home is tugging...re-focus on priorities. Take a moment and think - in light of eternity, what is my calling and my Biblical mandate to do in this situation? There may be times when submission to the boss takes precedence over soccer practice - you signed on for that job, made a committment and soccer is a game...But, there WILL be other times when you will be faced with saying NO to that promotion or NO to those extra pay hours because neglecting your family's needs is not an option. Your children MUST KNOW YOU...you cannot become the nanny who tucks them in at night after the mom at daycare wiped their nose all day....THEY NEED YOU to talk with them, open the Word of God with them, to hold them and ask about their day at school...You may be trapped in a job you don't want right now, but you do not have to continue the downward spiral in the quest for more money, more prestige or furthering the career you say you don't want.
4. Set a Schedule - when you are at work - work hard! But, when you are at home, leave work at the office. Your children and your husband MUST know that you are with them...and that they are not "in the way". They are top priority and they have your attention. If you have older kids - they are perfectly capable of doing some of the household chores (and SHOULD BE doing chores). Get done what you can in the evenings, but do not let the chores become the focus of what you do. A family who enjoys being together can even make chores a non-event or even a fun-event if Mom's attitude is right. Remember though ladies, it is OUR responsibility to be over the home - the Bible does not say, "unless you work - then it is 50-50%"...it is ours - the less we gripe and the more we do, the quicker it gets done and the less we sound like that leaking roof. The more our children see a right attitude and a serving heart that does even chores out of a love for our family. Children SHOULD be doing chores (they are learning how to do things for their future home) - husbands should NOT. If you have a "chore list" for your hubby...(ouch, right?)...we are going too far. It is not wrong to ask for help with something here or there - but if you have a constant list of items that he is supposed to do, you are putting off what God says is yours to carry. We are in danger of trying to be MOM instead of HELPMATE.
5. Remember HELPMATE was our first name (Genesis 2:18). That is our first role. We are to be a helpmate to our husband - saved or unsaved, working or not, agreeable to spiritual roles or not...we are to be a helpmate to him. Let God deal with the heart. HE told us this is our role - we just need to be the best at it we can possibly be, to the glory of God - and trust HIM that He will take care of us in that. There may be times that you feel taken advantage of, or maybe you are the only one working right now and doing housework (in our society, this is happening more and more) - do not give in and reverse roles just because these circumstances allow it...the enemy can make that easy for us to justify or rationalize in our minds - but it is still not right! Before the job, before the kids, before the church...our role is to be a HELPMATE for our hubby. To make it easy for him to be a man of God. To make home a place he wants to be, to be a wife that is easy to lead and looks to him for leadership, and to focus our children (positively) on him as the head of our family and our authority.
6. Be Careful - so many times we focus on only the negatives of our circumstances and we grumble beneath our breath - our own attitude is our downfall. We can never be a helpmate to our hubby, set a good example for our kids, let alone please God if we are grumbling and complaining! Remember our earlier quote "a few of us recently decided..." means that a few of us were talking! Be careful ladies - our conversations with friends can quickly turn to husband bashing or complaining...focusing our energy in this area is never honoring to God and it defeats us in our attitudes. Make sure that we are "doing him good" and making him "known in the gates" for the right reasons (Proverbs 31:12, 23). Watch our words ladies - they are usually our downfall. My mouth is ALWAYS getting me in trouble....let's guard it as the dangerous weapon it can be!
Ladies, there is SOO much more that can be said - Scripture is clear on how we should treat our families and our husbands, even our bosses, if we don't "muck it up" with our "but my husband..." and "if only he would..." rationalizations. Ladies, our enemy will always place before us opportunities to justify our sin - the question is, are we content to do so or are we determined to serve God, regardless of our circumstances, and trust that He has us right where we are for a reason. Your job situation, your home situation - none of it catches God off guard or poses a dilemma for Him...He knows you, He knows your heart and He even knows what direction He is taking you. SERVE HIM where you are by being the Godly wife/helpmate you are called to be first, the Godly mom second and the Godly employee third. THEN, trust HIM to show you the path out of the trap. You may have gotten yourself into this trap (don't we always?), but the grace of God can teach you something in it and, if you are willing to do whatever it takes that God lays out before you when the time comes (even if it means letting go of "stuff"), He can lead you out. For some, this balancing act may be ongoing for a while - determine to be like Paul and Silas in prison, and praise God regardless of your circumstances. Serve with all your heart and remember it is HIM that you are serving.
Showing posts with label Michele Everson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Michele Everson. Show all posts
Monday, November 1, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Biblical Feminity and the Way We Dress....
From Michele:
Well, Chad has allowed me one more post since I went off on a soapbox during the last blog! Let's see if I can stay on topic today: given our topic...some of you may be wishing I wouldn't! But really ladies, let's give some serious thought to why we wear what we do. Wow...I can see it now - some of you already have your finger hovering over the "x" ready to close down this page if I do what you think I'm about to do - meddle in your fashion sense! Yes...I have heard it all before - "it's hard to find skirts that are not too short" or, "I don't want to look completely old fashioned."...There are all kinds of lines we use. The bottom line is, we like getting noticed. At all ages - young or not so young.
Tons of ways to justify what we want, whether it be what we do or what we wear - we can always find a way to rationalize it in our minds! But, I wonder if we have really thought about the choices we make when it comes to our dress. We will SAY that we are just being fashionable - but are we? We are not really so ignorant as to NOT realize what we are doing to our male friends out there when we wear that low-cut blouse or skin tight skirts, are we? We say we want to be attractive - what we mean is we want to attract (attention). We don't really care if we are pushing the men around us to look where they shouldn't, or causing thoughts that they will have to struggle with overcoming. We just like the attention, right? Now, I'm not saying that everyone has to dress without waistlines or that bare arms are of the enemy - but I'm calling us to some common sense! My hubby found the post below and I think it makes a very IMPORTANT and SIGNIFICANT argument for consideration by every Christian lady out there: Am I dressing consistently with the calling on my life to glorify God in all that I do? Am I edifying those around me or tearing them down with the way I dress and conduct myself? This is the reason I asked him if I could post it - it was a great wake up call to me, and I hope to you. So, read along and evaluate. I know I sure have - and it means shopping with a new set of priorities!
From: Dan Phillips at:
http://teampyro.blogspot.com/2010/09/sister-show-mercy-annual-repost-3.html
Preface: "What are you? Nuts?!" Just thought I'd lead with the question you'll be wondering in a few minutes. I am about to stick my finger in the fan, about up to my elbow, and I know it. But I really think someone needs to say this — and why not me? I have less to lose than many who've thought the same thing, but daren't say it.
So here we go.
What will change, and what won't. Spring's sprung, and summer looms. Mercury rises, fashions change. But one thing that won't change, unless I'm happily mistaken: some good Christian sisters will not dress as helpfully as they could.
I chose that word with care: "helpfully." I am not talking about sin, shame, indecency, wantonness, or the like. Perhaps I could, with some justification. But that's for another time — and probably another writer. At this point, I just want to talk about being helpful.
Sister, if there's one thing you and I can certainly agree on, it's this: I don't know what it's like to be a woman, and you don't know what it's like to be a man. We're both probably wrong where we're sure we're right, try as we might. So let me try to dart a telegram from my camp over to the distaff side.
"Sheol and Abaddon are never satisfied, and never satisfied are the eyes of man" (Proverbs 27:20). Solomon doesn't use the Hebrew words that would indicate males exclusively, so this and Ecclesiastes 1:8 may apply across the gender-board. Libbie pointed out very ably that we men wrongly assume that we alone battle with temptations entering through the eye-gate.
But. But if men aren't alone in the battle, they may have a particular weakness for this aspect of it. Consider passionately-godly King David, whose psalms express aspirations after God beside which our own are pale, bloodless things. One day King David is in the wrong place, at the wrong time; sees a naked woman bathing next door, and boom! — he's gone (2 Samuel 11). Family, kingdom, God — all forgotten, consumed in the flash-flame of a lust that was only visual in its inception.
And what of that Israelite Philistine Samson and his own "eye trouble?" He sees a fetching young pagan, and bellows at his dad, "Get her for me, for she looks good to me" (Judges 14:3 NAS). Where did Samson's passions take him? How did his course end?
Unless all the men I've known personally or at a distance are completely unrepresentative, it's a lifelong struggle, a lifelong weakness. As I recall from a Proverbs lecture on mp3, Bruce Waltke says that his dad, at around age 100, told him, "Bruce, I still have the same struggles I did when I was 50." It was sobering for Dr. Waltke to hear; sobering for any man! (In fact, put me down for "disheartening.")
Where am I going with this? Oh, don't try to look so innocent. You know exactly where I'm going.
This is... church? So here comes this brother into the assembly of the saints, hoping for a rest from the battles of the week, a moment to regroup, sing, pray, get the Word, fellowship. He looks up to the choir, or to his left or his right — and in a tick of the clock, he's facing the same struggle he faced every time he turned on his TV, opened a magazine, or went down a city street. He's seeing things that make it far too easy for him not to keep his mind focused where it needs to be focused.
And he's not in a nightclub, he's not at a singles' bar, he's not at the beach. He's in church.
Now, some very direct disclaimers:
Every man's sin is his own, and every man's struggle is his own (Proverbs 14:10)
No one makes a man think or feel anything (Proverbs 4:23)
It is each individual's responsibility to guard his own heart (Proverbs 4:23)
Beauty is a wonderful gift of God (cf. Exodus 28:2; Song of Solomon 1:8, 15, etc.)
Having said all that: while it may be true that I'm the one holding the matches, you won't help me if you pile twigs all around my feet and douse them with lighter fluid. To be a little more specific: if you know I've had trouble with drunkenness, you won't wave a glass of wine in front of me tauntingly. If you know I battle covetousness, you won't take me window-shopping in high-end stores I've no business frequenting.
That is, you won't do those things if you love, if you care for me at all.
So I put this question: what are some sisters thinking, in how they dress?
"Attractive"? As the ladies pick clothes, they'll consider what's pretty, what's flattering, what's attractive. Who could blame them? But, "attractive" to whom? In what way? To what end? With what focus?
I want my lure to attract trout so they will bite and get hooked, and I can kill them and eat them.
A business wants to attract buyers so they will spend money and acquire their product or service and make them rich.
By that blouse, those pants, that skirt — what are you trying to attract? Attract to what, so that they will focus on what and feel what, and want to do what?
Consider the questions again. "Is it pretty?" Fine question, no evil in it. "Is it comfortable, is it complimentary, is it fun?" No problem. I'd just suggest you add one more question: "Is it helpful, or is it hurtful, to my brothers in Christ? Will this unintentionally contribute to their having a focus that is harmful to their holy walk?"
Now, lookie here:
In that day the Lord will take away the finery of the anklets, the headbands, and the crescents; 19 the pendants, the bracelets, and the scarves; 20 the headdresses, the armlets, the sashes, the perfume boxes, and the amulets; 21 the signet rings and nose rings; 22 the festal robes, the mantles, the cloaks, and the handbags; 23 the mirrors, the linen garments, the turbans, and the veils (Isaiah 3:18-23)
...likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, 10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness--with good works (1 Timothy 2:9-10)
Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing-- 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious (1 Peter 3:3-4)
What it isn't. Immediately we'll swing in, as we always do, and say, "Now, the writer's not saying that women can't dress nicely, or wear jewelry, or blah blah blah." And we'll all disown our Fundie forebears who focused on nylons and lipstick, and came up with precise hemline measurements. We'll want to make sure that we're not advocating a new line of Bible Burqaware™ for evangelical women. All that will be true and valid enough.
But... what is it? But I'm concerned that, in our anxiety to be sure to prevent the wrong interpretation, we effectively cut off all interpretation. We have swung from making the passages say silly things, to not letting them say anything. These passages have to mean something! They must have some application! What is it?
Surely the passages warn against vanity, externality, sensuality; and promote a focus on a godly character as true beauty. Who you are; not just what you look like. Remember: "As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, So is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion" (Proverbs 11:22 NAS).
Oh boy, I'm going to make it worse now. Deep breath....
Say what? What are your clothes saying about you, sister? What are they supposed to say to your brothers? "Hey, look at this?" Well, they actually are trying to look at the Lord; it's not good for them, not helpful for them, to be looking at that. No, it's not your fault that they have a problem. We established that. And it's really great that God has made you beautiful. May your husband (present or future) celebrate your beauty.
But, please hear me: you can help the brothers who aren't your husband, or you can not-help them. Which are you doing? If you're not married, and a man looks at you, is he thinking, "What a great character"? Or are you giving him reason to think something else about you is "great"?
I know many of the responses. I've heard them. "You don't know what it's like to buy women's clothes, you ignorant man!" Mostly true. My first just-for-fun purchase of (what I thought was) a pretty blue dress for my wife was... well, it was appalling. What a good sport my wife was. I took it back to the store immediately, and made a much better choice.
"I caaaan't." But this: "I can't find anything modest! It's all too revealing! It's impossible to get something that looks nice, yet isn't too tight, or too short, or too-something / not-something-enough!"
Sorry, but baloney.
I put modest women's clothing Christian in Google, and 63,500 pages come up. (Up from 43,200, last year.) Yes, some are funny and quaint at best. But are they all Amishwear? "Can't find?"
More fundamentally: I do not accept that anyone has to wear clothes that are too tight or too sheer or too short — unless you are the largest and tallest woman living in the hottest part of the planet. Because I see larger, taller women than you walking around in hot weather, and they're all wearing clothes, every last one of them. They got those clothes somewhere, I reason. You could too.
"But — but they won't look good on me! The shoulders will be wrong!"
Need-to-not-know. I'm not sure that's necessarily true, but let's accept it and pose a counter-question. You tell me. Which is worse: your shoulders hanging a half-inch too low? Or a blouse/skirt that simply (shifting into turbo-delicate) provides need-to-know information to those with a need-to-not-know?
I'm sure we all agree that there are clothes that show off what others have no helpful business seeing. Here's what to show, in clothes-selection: show a Godward focus, discretion, a godly character.
And show mercy.
Parting thought. Darlene pointed me to a statement by Arthur Pink, which makes everything I've just said look awfully mild. But there's no denying that Pink has a point. I'll close with it:
Again, if lustful looking be so grievous a sin, then those who dress and expose themselves with desires to be looked at and lusted after-as Jezebel, who painted her face, tired her head, and looked out of the window (2 Kings 9:30)-are not less, but even more guilty. In this matter it is only too often the case that men sin, but women tempt them so to do. How great, then, must be the guilt of the great majority of the modern misses who deliberately seek to arouse the sexual passions of our young men? And how much greater still is the guilt of most of their mothers for allowing them to become lascivious temptresses?
Now, note, Pink and I speak to different audiences. I speak to those whom I charitably assume are inadvertently dressing in an unhelpful manner. Pink speaks to those whose intent is to allure. Between the two of us, I can pray we've provided food for thought, prayer, reconsideration, and needed change.
One last thought: it is a mistake to think I exclusively have church-attire in mind. That is lifted as a particularly egregious example of what-are-you-thinking? In what I say, I have in mind any place where both sexes are present.
Well, Chad has allowed me one more post since I went off on a soapbox during the last blog! Let's see if I can stay on topic today: given our topic...some of you may be wishing I wouldn't! But really ladies, let's give some serious thought to why we wear what we do. Wow...I can see it now - some of you already have your finger hovering over the "x" ready to close down this page if I do what you think I'm about to do - meddle in your fashion sense! Yes...I have heard it all before - "it's hard to find skirts that are not too short" or, "I don't want to look completely old fashioned."...There are all kinds of lines we use. The bottom line is, we like getting noticed. At all ages - young or not so young.
Tons of ways to justify what we want, whether it be what we do or what we wear - we can always find a way to rationalize it in our minds! But, I wonder if we have really thought about the choices we make when it comes to our dress. We will SAY that we are just being fashionable - but are we? We are not really so ignorant as to NOT realize what we are doing to our male friends out there when we wear that low-cut blouse or skin tight skirts, are we? We say we want to be attractive - what we mean is we want to attract (attention). We don't really care if we are pushing the men around us to look where they shouldn't, or causing thoughts that they will have to struggle with overcoming. We just like the attention, right? Now, I'm not saying that everyone has to dress without waistlines or that bare arms are of the enemy - but I'm calling us to some common sense! My hubby found the post below and I think it makes a very IMPORTANT and SIGNIFICANT argument for consideration by every Christian lady out there: Am I dressing consistently with the calling on my life to glorify God in all that I do? Am I edifying those around me or tearing them down with the way I dress and conduct myself? This is the reason I asked him if I could post it - it was a great wake up call to me, and I hope to you. So, read along and evaluate. I know I sure have - and it means shopping with a new set of priorities!
From: Dan Phillips at:
http://teampyro.blogspot.com/2010/09/sister-show-mercy-annual-repost-3.html
Preface: "What are you? Nuts?!" Just thought I'd lead with the question you'll be wondering in a few minutes. I am about to stick my finger in the fan, about up to my elbow, and I know it. But I really think someone needs to say this — and why not me? I have less to lose than many who've thought the same thing, but daren't say it.
So here we go.
What will change, and what won't. Spring's sprung, and summer looms. Mercury rises, fashions change. But one thing that won't change, unless I'm happily mistaken: some good Christian sisters will not dress as helpfully as they could.
I chose that word with care: "helpfully." I am not talking about sin, shame, indecency, wantonness, or the like. Perhaps I could, with some justification. But that's for another time — and probably another writer. At this point, I just want to talk about being helpful.
Sister, if there's one thing you and I can certainly agree on, it's this: I don't know what it's like to be a woman, and you don't know what it's like to be a man. We're both probably wrong where we're sure we're right, try as we might. So let me try to dart a telegram from my camp over to the distaff side.
"Sheol and Abaddon are never satisfied, and never satisfied are the eyes of man" (Proverbs 27:20). Solomon doesn't use the Hebrew words that would indicate males exclusively, so this and Ecclesiastes 1:8 may apply across the gender-board. Libbie pointed out very ably that we men wrongly assume that we alone battle with temptations entering through the eye-gate.
But. But if men aren't alone in the battle, they may have a particular weakness for this aspect of it. Consider passionately-godly King David, whose psalms express aspirations after God beside which our own are pale, bloodless things. One day King David is in the wrong place, at the wrong time; sees a naked woman bathing next door, and boom! — he's gone (2 Samuel 11). Family, kingdom, God — all forgotten, consumed in the flash-flame of a lust that was only visual in its inception.
And what of that Israelite Philistine Samson and his own "eye trouble?" He sees a fetching young pagan, and bellows at his dad, "Get her for me, for she looks good to me" (Judges 14:3 NAS). Where did Samson's passions take him? How did his course end?
Unless all the men I've known personally or at a distance are completely unrepresentative, it's a lifelong struggle, a lifelong weakness. As I recall from a Proverbs lecture on mp3, Bruce Waltke says that his dad, at around age 100, told him, "Bruce, I still have the same struggles I did when I was 50." It was sobering for Dr. Waltke to hear; sobering for any man! (In fact, put me down for "disheartening.")
Where am I going with this? Oh, don't try to look so innocent. You know exactly where I'm going.
This is... church? So here comes this brother into the assembly of the saints, hoping for a rest from the battles of the week, a moment to regroup, sing, pray, get the Word, fellowship. He looks up to the choir, or to his left or his right — and in a tick of the clock, he's facing the same struggle he faced every time he turned on his TV, opened a magazine, or went down a city street. He's seeing things that make it far too easy for him not to keep his mind focused where it needs to be focused.
And he's not in a nightclub, he's not at a singles' bar, he's not at the beach. He's in church.
Now, some very direct disclaimers:
Every man's sin is his own, and every man's struggle is his own (Proverbs 14:10)
No one makes a man think or feel anything (Proverbs 4:23)
It is each individual's responsibility to guard his own heart (Proverbs 4:23)
Beauty is a wonderful gift of God (cf. Exodus 28:2; Song of Solomon 1:8, 15, etc.)
Having said all that: while it may be true that I'm the one holding the matches, you won't help me if you pile twigs all around my feet and douse them with lighter fluid. To be a little more specific: if you know I've had trouble with drunkenness, you won't wave a glass of wine in front of me tauntingly. If you know I battle covetousness, you won't take me window-shopping in high-end stores I've no business frequenting.
That is, you won't do those things if you love, if you care for me at all.
So I put this question: what are some sisters thinking, in how they dress?
"Attractive"? As the ladies pick clothes, they'll consider what's pretty, what's flattering, what's attractive. Who could blame them? But, "attractive" to whom? In what way? To what end? With what focus?
I want my lure to attract trout so they will bite and get hooked, and I can kill them and eat them.
A business wants to attract buyers so they will spend money and acquire their product or service and make them rich.
By that blouse, those pants, that skirt — what are you trying to attract? Attract to what, so that they will focus on what and feel what, and want to do what?
Consider the questions again. "Is it pretty?" Fine question, no evil in it. "Is it comfortable, is it complimentary, is it fun?" No problem. I'd just suggest you add one more question: "Is it helpful, or is it hurtful, to my brothers in Christ? Will this unintentionally contribute to their having a focus that is harmful to their holy walk?"
Now, lookie here:
In that day the Lord will take away the finery of the anklets, the headbands, and the crescents; 19 the pendants, the bracelets, and the scarves; 20 the headdresses, the armlets, the sashes, the perfume boxes, and the amulets; 21 the signet rings and nose rings; 22 the festal robes, the mantles, the cloaks, and the handbags; 23 the mirrors, the linen garments, the turbans, and the veils (Isaiah 3:18-23)
...likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, 10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness--with good works (1 Timothy 2:9-10)
Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing-- 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious (1 Peter 3:3-4)
What it isn't. Immediately we'll swing in, as we always do, and say, "Now, the writer's not saying that women can't dress nicely, or wear jewelry, or blah blah blah." And we'll all disown our Fundie forebears who focused on nylons and lipstick, and came up with precise hemline measurements. We'll want to make sure that we're not advocating a new line of Bible Burqaware™ for evangelical women. All that will be true and valid enough.
But... what is it? But I'm concerned that, in our anxiety to be sure to prevent the wrong interpretation, we effectively cut off all interpretation. We have swung from making the passages say silly things, to not letting them say anything. These passages have to mean something! They must have some application! What is it?
Surely the passages warn against vanity, externality, sensuality; and promote a focus on a godly character as true beauty. Who you are; not just what you look like. Remember: "As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, So is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion" (Proverbs 11:22 NAS).
Oh boy, I'm going to make it worse now. Deep breath....
Say what? What are your clothes saying about you, sister? What are they supposed to say to your brothers? "Hey, look at this?" Well, they actually are trying to look at the Lord; it's not good for them, not helpful for them, to be looking at that. No, it's not your fault that they have a problem. We established that. And it's really great that God has made you beautiful. May your husband (present or future) celebrate your beauty.
But, please hear me: you can help the brothers who aren't your husband, or you can not-help them. Which are you doing? If you're not married, and a man looks at you, is he thinking, "What a great character"? Or are you giving him reason to think something else about you is "great"?
I know many of the responses. I've heard them. "You don't know what it's like to buy women's clothes, you ignorant man!" Mostly true. My first just-for-fun purchase of (what I thought was) a pretty blue dress for my wife was... well, it was appalling. What a good sport my wife was. I took it back to the store immediately, and made a much better choice.
"I caaaan't." But this: "I can't find anything modest! It's all too revealing! It's impossible to get something that looks nice, yet isn't too tight, or too short, or too-something / not-something-enough!"
Sorry, but baloney.
I put modest women's clothing Christian in Google, and 63,500 pages come up. (Up from 43,200, last year.) Yes, some are funny and quaint at best. But are they all Amishwear? "Can't find?"
More fundamentally: I do not accept that anyone has to wear clothes that are too tight or too sheer or too short — unless you are the largest and tallest woman living in the hottest part of the planet. Because I see larger, taller women than you walking around in hot weather, and they're all wearing clothes, every last one of them. They got those clothes somewhere, I reason. You could too.
"But — but they won't look good on me! The shoulders will be wrong!"
Need-to-not-know. I'm not sure that's necessarily true, but let's accept it and pose a counter-question. You tell me. Which is worse: your shoulders hanging a half-inch too low? Or a blouse/skirt that simply (shifting into turbo-delicate) provides need-to-know information to those with a need-to-not-know?
I'm sure we all agree that there are clothes that show off what others have no helpful business seeing. Here's what to show, in clothes-selection: show a Godward focus, discretion, a godly character.
And show mercy.
Parting thought. Darlene pointed me to a statement by Arthur Pink, which makes everything I've just said look awfully mild. But there's no denying that Pink has a point. I'll close with it:
Again, if lustful looking be so grievous a sin, then those who dress and expose themselves with desires to be looked at and lusted after-as Jezebel, who painted her face, tired her head, and looked out of the window (2 Kings 9:30)-are not less, but even more guilty. In this matter it is only too often the case that men sin, but women tempt them so to do. How great, then, must be the guilt of the great majority of the modern misses who deliberately seek to arouse the sexual passions of our young men? And how much greater still is the guilt of most of their mothers for allowing them to become lascivious temptresses?
Now, note, Pink and I speak to different audiences. I speak to those whom I charitably assume are inadvertently dressing in an unhelpful manner. Pink speaks to those whose intent is to allure. Between the two of us, I can pray we've provided food for thought, prayer, reconsideration, and needed change.
One last thought: it is a mistake to think I exclusively have church-attire in mind. That is lifted as a particularly egregious example of what-are-you-thinking? In what I say, I have in mind any place where both sexes are present.
Monday, October 25, 2010
The Most Beautiful Guest Blogger....
I have held the blog below for some time and recently looked at it again while preparing to teach our young men on biblical manhood and Michele is teaching our young ladies on biblical womanhood. I sent this to Michele thinking it would aid in her study, and then we began discussing her writing a blog on it. While she has never blogged for me, she is a much better writer; she is much smarter and incredibly beautiful. To me she exemplifies what biblical femininity is and I love her more than I could ever express in a blog. So I will turn this over to her:
From Michele:
I had the recent privilege of being invited to the pampered pajama party with our young ladies! We had a great time eating from a chocolate fountain and doing pedicures/makeovers...but what I was most impressed with was the urgency with which most of the ladies listened as we talked about Biblical Feminity. A topic that many ladies today shy away from, or roll their eyes at. Why? Because it hits us where we live...we have fallen into line with what the world deems as important - we have bought it - hook, line, and sinker...and just the mention of the term "Biblical Feminity" conjures up ideas of tender mothering, patience, lovingkindness - a softer side that most of us have left behind for the world of CEOs, dog eat dog politics in an office and afternoons of fighting with the daycare. We don't want to hear that there is "more out there" for us because we don't know HOW to change - we feel trapped where we are and, for the most part we don't even know how we got here.
So...as I spoke with our young ladies about Biblical Feminity, we looked at Proverbs 31 and the mother's admonition that the wife did her husband good "all the days of her life"....that means NOW!! Before you are even married! So - get to work NOW deciding what type of wife you will be! And our young ladies were very open to that...of course, we had the few who do as their mothers and our society have conditioned them to do when you speak about submission, respecting your husband, etc....they rolled their eyes and did the long sigh - but not many! Most of these ladies realized that there is more out there than just settling for a marriage of 50-50%, kids that don't get in fights at daycare and working yourselves into a mortgage you can't afford. Most of these girls wanted to know how to trust God more for guidance on finding the right mate, loving him completely once you marry him, and truly "doing him good" all the days of their lives. You could see the hurt in their eyes - they wonder if it is possible to really have a marriage that will last through the years...they wonder if you can enter a marriage without a "backup plan" to fall back on if he cheats...Oh, what have we done to the next generation coming behind us? What messages have we sent? God forgive us as mothers for not taking the time to teach our children where true priorities are and what is essential in this life! Let us strive now to lead our children to goals greater than just a "good job" and a "great salary". There is soooo much more that God has for them - but I fear too often we don't paint that picture accurately! It is up to us Moms...the Bible puts it in our hands to set the thermostat in the home - to train our children what the Christian home should be and the Biblical roles that we are called to. We often hear the dads challenged with praising Bible memory more than learning the curveball - but ladies, are we leading our children to Godly roles for Biblical Manhood and Feminity? Or just raising up the next generation for the "rat race"? Are we growing MEN who will stand on the WORD and ladies who will be the helpmate and support? Or are we more concerned with teaching them how to "get ahead" in life?
Next blog...Biblical Feminity in the way we dress....ouch. This will be the link that Chad referenced above and that he is graciously letting me blog about...that is, until he realized that I am taking TWO posts to do it!
From Michele:
I had the recent privilege of being invited to the pampered pajama party with our young ladies! We had a great time eating from a chocolate fountain and doing pedicures/makeovers...but what I was most impressed with was the urgency with which most of the ladies listened as we talked about Biblical Feminity. A topic that many ladies today shy away from, or roll their eyes at. Why? Because it hits us where we live...we have fallen into line with what the world deems as important - we have bought it - hook, line, and sinker...and just the mention of the term "Biblical Feminity" conjures up ideas of tender mothering, patience, lovingkindness - a softer side that most of us have left behind for the world of CEOs, dog eat dog politics in an office and afternoons of fighting with the daycare. We don't want to hear that there is "more out there" for us because we don't know HOW to change - we feel trapped where we are and, for the most part we don't even know how we got here.
So...as I spoke with our young ladies about Biblical Feminity, we looked at Proverbs 31 and the mother's admonition that the wife did her husband good "all the days of her life"....that means NOW!! Before you are even married! So - get to work NOW deciding what type of wife you will be! And our young ladies were very open to that...of course, we had the few who do as their mothers and our society have conditioned them to do when you speak about submission, respecting your husband, etc....they rolled their eyes and did the long sigh - but not many! Most of these ladies realized that there is more out there than just settling for a marriage of 50-50%, kids that don't get in fights at daycare and working yourselves into a mortgage you can't afford. Most of these girls wanted to know how to trust God more for guidance on finding the right mate, loving him completely once you marry him, and truly "doing him good" all the days of their lives. You could see the hurt in their eyes - they wonder if it is possible to really have a marriage that will last through the years...they wonder if you can enter a marriage without a "backup plan" to fall back on if he cheats...Oh, what have we done to the next generation coming behind us? What messages have we sent? God forgive us as mothers for not taking the time to teach our children where true priorities are and what is essential in this life! Let us strive now to lead our children to goals greater than just a "good job" and a "great salary". There is soooo much more that God has for them - but I fear too often we don't paint that picture accurately! It is up to us Moms...the Bible puts it in our hands to set the thermostat in the home - to train our children what the Christian home should be and the Biblical roles that we are called to. We often hear the dads challenged with praising Bible memory more than learning the curveball - but ladies, are we leading our children to Godly roles for Biblical Manhood and Feminity? Or just raising up the next generation for the "rat race"? Are we growing MEN who will stand on the WORD and ladies who will be the helpmate and support? Or are we more concerned with teaching them how to "get ahead" in life?
Next blog...Biblical Feminity in the way we dress....ouch. This will be the link that Chad referenced above and that he is graciously letting me blog about...that is, until he realized that I am taking TWO posts to do it!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)