Hard to "Do Life" by Text Message

We live in a culture that loves to text. In truth, I like to text - it is fast, gets to the point and I don’t have to deal with all the “formalities” of the phone call. We speed through the saying “bye” two or three times, the small talk and all the other things that go along with it. There are times a phone call is a must, just as there are other times a face to face meeting is must...and still other times through the day that text is just fitting. But, as parents we must be aware and we must teach our children that I can’t “do life" with someone by text. As people of God we need more interaction with each other than just by text:  we need to see one another, we need to read facial expressions, we need to be able to tell if something is going wrong or right. There are things conveyed in a conversation, voice inflections, looks, even humor can not be conveyed as easily through text. Sending a text letting someone know you are praying for them is okay to do some times, but actually praying with them is much better. I can’t do Matthew 18 by text: I can’t biblically confront through a text as this takes grace, relationship, concern, and none of these an be displayed through at text. Below is an article by CNN (who is by no means a bastion of biblical literacy) which should be a warning sign to us as parents and should cause us to think through how to prepare them to “do life” not simply in this world, but in the body of Christ.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/31/tech/mobile/problem-text-messaging-oms/index.html

(CNN) -- You do not want to talk to me on the phone. How do I know? Because I don't want to talk to you on the phone. Nothing personal, I just can't stand the thing.

I find it intrusive and somehow presumptuous. It sounds off insolently whenever it chooses and expects me to drop whatever I'm doing and, well, engage. With others! When I absolutely must, I take the call, but I don't do a very good job of concealing my displeasure. A close family member once offered his opinion that I exhibit the phone manners of a goat, then promptly withdrew the charge — out of fairness to goats.

So it was with profound relief that I embraced the arrival of e-mail and, later, texting. They meant a conversation I could control — utterly. I get to say exactly what I want exactly when I want to say it. It consumes no more time than I want it to and, to a much greater degree than is possible with a phone call, I get to decide if it takes place at all. That might make me misanthropic. It surely makes me a crank. But it doesn't make me unusual.

The telephone call is a dying institution. The number of text messages sent monthly in the U.S. exploded from 14 billion in 2000 to 188 billion in 2010, according to a Pew Institute survey, and the trend shows no signs of abating. Not all of that growth has come out of the hide of old-fashioned phoning, but it is clearly taking a bite — particularly among the young.

Americans ages 18-29 send and receive an average of nearly 88 text messages per day, compared to 17 phone calls. The numbers change as we get older, with the overall frequency of all communication declining, but even in the 65 and over group, daily texting still edges calling 4.7 to 3.8. In the TIME mobility poll, 32% of all respondents said they'd rather communicate by text than phone, even with people they know very well. This is truer still in the workplace, where communication is between colleagues who are often not friends at all. "No more trying to find time to call and chit-chat," is how one poll respondent described the business appeal of texting over talking.

The problem, of course, is what's lost when that chit-chat goes. Developmental psychologists studying the impact of texting worry especially about young people, not just because kids are such promiscuous users of the technology, but because their interpersonal skills — such as they are — have not yet fully formed. Most adults were fixed social quantities when they first got their hands on a text-capable mobile device, and while their ability to have a face-to-face conversation may have eroded in recent years, it's pretty well locked in. Not so with teens. As TIME has reported previously, MIT psychologist Sherry Turkle is one of the leading researchers looking into the effects of texting on interpersonal development. Turkle believes that having a conversation with another person teaches kids to, in effect, have a conversation with themselves — to think and reason and self-reflect. "That particular skill is a bedrock of development," she told me.

Turkle cites the texted apology — or what she calls "saying 'I'm sorry' and hitting send" — as a vivid example of what's lost when we type instead of speak. "A full-scale apology means I know I've hurt you, I get to see that in your eyes," she says. "You get to see that I'm uncomfortable, and with that, the compassion response kicks in. There are many steps and they're all bypassed when we text." When the apology takes place over the phone rather than in person, the visual cues are lost, of course, but the voice — and the sense of hurt and contrition it can convey — is preserved.

Part of the appeal of texting in these situations is that it's less painful — but the pain is the point. "The complexity and messiness of human communication gets shortchanged," Turkle says. "Those things are what lead to better relationships."

Habitual texters may not only cheat their existing relationships, they can also limit their ability to form future ones since they don't get to practice the art of interpreting nonverbal visual cues. There's a reason it's so easy to lie to small kids ("Santa really, truly did bring those presents") and that's because they're functional illiterates when it comes to reading inflection and facial expressions. As with real reading, the ability to comprehend subtlety and complexity comes only with time and a lot of experience. If you don't adequately acquire those skills, moving out into the real world of real people can actually become quite scary. "I talk to kids and they describe their fear of conversation," says Turkle. "An 18-year-old I interviewed recently said, 'Someday, but certainly not now, I want to learn to have a conversation.'"

Adults are much less likely to be so conversation-phobic, but they do become conversation-avoidant — mostly because it's easier. Texting an obligatory birthday greeting means you don't have to fake an enthusiasm you're not really feeling. Texting a friend to see what time a party starts means you don't also have to ask "How are you?" and, worse, get an answer.

The text message is clearly here to stay and even the most zealous phone partisans don't

recommend avoiding it entirely. But mix it up some — maybe even throw in a little Skyping or Facetime so that when you finally do make a call you're actually seeing and interacting with another person. Too much texting, Turkle warns, amounts to a life of "hiding in plain sight."

And the thing about hiding is, it keeps you entirely alone.

Preparing Our Children:

Below is a blog and link from cnn.com.  I recently used this to push my boys and ask some tough questions; questions to help them think things through. I am going to post this today and encourage you to think through the things she says and how to pose some of these questions to your family. Next blog I will give some thoughts concerning this:

Why I Raise My Children Without God
By TXBlue08 | Posted January 14, 2013
CNN iREPORT
CNN PRODUCER NOTE TXBlue08, a mother of two teenagers in Texas, blogs about raising her children without religion. She said she shared this essay on CNN iReport because 'I just felt there is not a voice out there for women/moms like me. I think people misunderstand or are fearful of people who don’t believe in God.' What are your thoughts on this iReport? Share your written response via our Sound Off assignment. Update: CNN hasn't flagged this iReport as inappropriate, but some community members have. This is a divisive topic, however it does not violate our Community Guidelines, so we ask people to please stop flagging it. We will continue to review the story as often as possible. - dsashin, CNN iReport producer

When my son was around 3 years old, he used to ask me a lot of questions about heaven. Where is it? How do people walk without a body? How will I find you? You know the questions that kids ask.
 
For over a year, I lied to him and made up stories that I didn’t believe about heaven. Like most parents, I love my child so much that I didn’t want him to be scared. I wanted him to feel safe and loved and full of hope. But the trade-off was that I would have to make stuff up, and I would have to brainwash him into believing stories that didn’t make sense, stories that I didn’t believe either.
 
One day he would know this, and he would not trust my judgment. He would know that I built an elaborate tale—not unlike the one we tell children about Santa—to explain the inconsistent and illogical legend of God.
 
And so I thought it was only right to be honest with my children. I am a non-believer, and for years I’ve been on the fringe in my community. As a blogger, though, I’ve found that there are many other parents out there like me. We are creating the next generation of kids, and there is a wave of young agnostics, atheists, free thinkers and humanists rising up through the ranks who will, hopefully, lower our nation’s religious fever.
 
Here are a few of the reasons why I am raising my children without God.

God is a bad parent and role model.

If God is our father, then he is not a good parent. Good parents don’t allow their children to inflict harm on others. Good people don’t stand by and watch horrible acts committed against innocent men, women and children. They don’t condone violence and abuse. “He has given us free will,” you say? Our children have free will, but we still step in and guide them.
 
God is not logical.
How many times have you heard, “Why did God allow this to happen?” And this: “It’s not for us to understand.” Translate: We don’t understand, so we will not think about it or deal with the issue. Take for example the senseless tragedy in Newtown. Rather than address the problem of guns in America, we defer responsibility to God. He had a reason. He wanted more angels. Only he knows why. We write poems saying that we told God to leave our schools. Now he’s making us pay the price. If there is a good, all-knowing, all-powerful God who loves his children, does it make sense that he would allow murders, child abuse, wars, brutal beatings, torture and millions of heinous acts to be committed throughout the history of mankind? Doesn’t this go against everything Christ taught us in the New Testament?
 
The question we should be asking is this: “Why did we allow this to happen?” How can we fix this? No imaginary person is going to give us the answers or tell us why. Only we have the ability to be logical and to problem solve, and we should not abdicate these responsibilities to “God” just because a topic is tough or uncomfortable to address.

God is not fair.
If God is fair, then why does he answer the silly prayers of some while allowing other, serious requests, to go unanswered? I have known people who pray that they can find money to buy new furniture. (Answered.) I have known people who pray to God to help them win a soccer match. (Answered.) Why are the prayers of parents with dying children not answered?

If God is fair, then why are some babies born with heart defects, autism, missing limbs or conjoined to another baby? Clearly, all men are not created equally. Why is a good man beaten senseless on the street while an evil man finds great wealth taking advantage of others? This is not fair. A game maker who allows luck to rule mankind’s existence has not created a fair game.

God does not protect the innocent.
He does not keep our children safe. As a society, we stand up and speak for those who cannot. We protect our little ones as much as possible. When a child is kidnapped, we work together to find the child. We do not tolerate abuse and neglect. Why can’t God, with all his powers of omnipotence, protect the innocent?
 
God is not present.
He is not here. Telling our children to love a person they cannot see, smell, touch or hear does not make sense. It means that we teach children to love an image, an image that lives only in their imaginations. What we teach them, in effect, is to love an idea that we have created, one that is based in our fears and our hopes.

God Does Not Teach Children to Be Good
A child should make moral choices for the right reasons. Telling him that he must behave because God is watching means that his morality will be externally focused rather than internally structured. It’s like telling a child to behave or Santa won’t bring presents. When we take God out of the picture, we place responsibility of doing the right thing onto the shoulders of our children. No, they won’t go to heaven or rule their own planets when they die, but they can sleep better at night. They will make their family proud. They will feel better about who they are. They will be decent people.
 
God Teaches Narcissism
“God has a plan for you.” Telling kids there is a big guy in the sky who has a special path for them makes children narcissistic; it makes them think the world is at their disposal and that, no matter what happens, it doesn’t really matter because God is in control. That gives kids a sense of false security and creates selfishness. “No matter what I do, God loves me and forgives me. He knows my purpose. I am special.” The irony is that, while we tell this story to our kids, other children are abused and murdered, starved and neglected. All part of God’s plan, right?
 
When we raise kids without God, we tell them the truth—we are no more special than the next creature. We are just a very, very small part of a big, big machine–whether that machine is nature or society–the influence we have is minuscule. The realization of our insignificance gives us a true sense of humbleness.
 
I understand why people need God. I understand why people need heaven. It is terrifying to think that we are all alone in this universe, that one day we—along with the children we love so much—will cease to exist. The idea of God and an afterlife gives many of us structure, community and hope.
 
I do not want religion to go away. I only want religion to be kept at home or in church where it belongs. It’s a personal effect, like a toothbrush or a pair of shoes. It’s not something to be used or worn by strangers. I want my children to be free not to believe and to know that our schools and our government will make decisions based on what is logical, just and fair—not on what they believe an imaginary God wants.
http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-910282

Too Much for One Blog....

I must be honest and say that, unless I am in an airport and have no other choice, I never watch CNN. I must go even further and say, unless someone sends me a link or I see something on another website I never go to CNN’s webpage. Personally, I am more of a Fox News type of guy and I have much better things to watch…after all a lot of College Football shows are on! However, I must confess that I don’t know if I have ever read anything by a secular news organization that articulates the problem of the American Church in such a succinct manner! I would highly encourage you to look at this link http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/27/almost.christian/
and read it in its entirety. Most of the “experts” in this article “lean liberal” at best, but sadly it seems that they have a better understanding of what is lacking in the American church than most people today, including the Pastors. I am going to use some of the quotes over the next week or so and comment on this article. I am doing this because I want you to read and think through the CNN article and this post…and I know you have better things to do than read 10 pages of commentary on this article in one sitting. So, in the next few posts I will just put some quotes - going in sequential order - and think through them with you. This should cause us to evaluate church, sermons, parenting and an array of other issues. So, if you would be so kind…read the article then let’s walk through some statements. I promise I will try to keep this first post short...I know it is too much for one blog - but the information was too good to pass up!!

Okay, now what could possibly be the reason for seemingly good moral kids who go to church and obey rules, to be at best, weak, immature believers and at worse (and most likely) lost? Just look at the quote below:

The study, which included in-depth interviews with at least 3,300 American teenagers between 13 and 17, found that most American teens who called themselves Christian were indifferent and inarticulate about their faith.
Okay, let’s think biblically….
Luke 14:26-27 “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.”
This certainly doesn’t sound like an “indifferent” attitude. It certainly doesn’t help that those who are in our churches, regardless of whether they are a teenager or adult, are hardly articulate when it comes to any doctrine whatsoever. Could it be that this culture is “indifferent and inarticulate” because it understands so little about the Gospel and shies away from doctrine? Why is it that so many churches assume that students and adults would not be concerned with deep biblical truth! Why should we not want to know about the God who calls us to lay down everything to come to Him? The problem overall in our churches today is not that our students can’t articulate truths, but that virtually no one can articulate truths. When we boil down salvation to a “simple prayer” and never use the Word of God - never measure one’s life against it to see what a real believer looks like – how is that truth? Or when someone begins to study the Word to see the high call of salvation, then he examines himself and realizes he falls short Biblically…the first thing that happens is some well meaning Baptist (who walked down an isle when they were 12 but never lived it out) tells them if they “prayed a prayer and really meant it, then Jesus must be in your heart.” Pray tell, find that assurance in Scripture! And, by the way, don’t use Rm. 10:9 until you take the time to read verses 10-21. If you sense frustration - it is there, but so is grief, and heart ache, and burden that we have lost generations…people that fill our churches, who know nothing of the Gospel but cling to eternity by their own power of a prayer.

I want to conclude by focusing on one more quote:

No matter their background, Dean says committed Christian teens share four traits: They have a personal story about God they can share, a deep connection to a faith community, a sense of purpose and a sense of hope about their future.

I know that this article is speaking to students of different beliefs, but I found this quote very interesting. How does one interpret these four traits? I think we can place these four traits in three categories: (1) A personal conversion (2) A committed life in a Church (3) Faith in God’s power. Certainly one can’t say if every “committed” was from an orthodox church, but we can say that when these three elements are a reality it leads to a meaningful commitment. Hmmm, who would have ever guessed this? (sarcasm intended).
More to come….