A Blessing Most Will Miss

We at Trinity, have been going through the Peace Makers material and studying how to biblically deal with one another when we have conflict/disagreements. If you know anything about people (even believers), you know there is bound to be disagreement. One of the most clear truths in Scripture is how to handle conflict on a personal level, but also a church level. While there are many passages of Scripture that are explicit in the directive of how conflict or even a sinning brother or sister should be dealt with, I can say with confidence that there is a minority of evangelical churches that have ever really followed Matthew 18 in application. Our lack of application in most cases, cannot be traced to a lack of belief of its validity:  I personally don’t know of a single pastor or even Christian, that has ever shared with me that they believe Matthew 18 is not part of Scripture, nor have they said that it is not applicable to us today. In fact, I know of countless brothers who have preached on the text in a strong clear way.  But, among even those who preach on it, even those who believe it with their head…I know of only 3 pastors who have ever even attempted it. This is troubling - that something can be so clear in the Word of God yet, so few churches that claim to hold to truth have ever followed it out. Now, if this was "Disney Land Christianity" we could assume that maybe those churches have never had a member in unrepentant sin, but I have been in the ministry for almost 25 years and I have never been in a church where there was not someone, at some time caught up in unrepentant sin. After carrying out church discipline in my first pastorate in the 90’s, I realized why so few Pastors would ever lead their church to do this…it’s hard. It is something that has no benefit for the Pastor, and virtually no benefit for the congregation. The world will look at them as being judgmental, they will be talked about, gossiped about, slandered, cussed, hated and even when it is done, there will be countless people who give the adage, “I don’t disagree with it being done, I just don’t like how it was done.” I have been a part of some phenomenal churches and have concluded that either the ones I have been involved in have more people that get into sin, or frankly that the other churches decide that corrective church discipline really isn’t worth it. Sadly, I believe the latter is true. If it is indeed this, then the joy of a repentant sinner is seldom seen or celebrated. 

This past Sunday, a man in our fellowship returned to our congregation after being voted out. He repented and gave the most complete gospel - dripped apology to the fellowship I have ever heard. We had a meal in his honor and celebrated a brother coming home and a family reunited, all to the glory of God. Our fellowship was allowed to see that loving someone enough to be uncomfortable, caring enough to do uncomfortable things, believing the Word enough to behave it, has benefits. Now, it usually doesn’t have the benefits most of us would like - like that your church is applauded by society, nor will it be praised by churches who see “the other church” as their greatest competition. But, it will glorify God and that is our calling and that has to be enough. God could have put this man and his family back together in numerous ways but, He outlines in the Word that He will use the body of Christ, and when this is done the repentant Christian as well as his church family is allowed to celebrate because our God is a God who heals. He restores broken, damaged, sin plagued people and He is praised for His grace. I have shared numerous times with our people there are two frightening things for a believer in this world (1) Falling into unrepentant sin (2) Falling into false doctrine. If we really believe that those two are the worst two things that can happen to a believer, we would see that as more important than our preferences and even our comfort. I always challenge our people in our New Member’s class to ask at least two questions before joining a church: (1) If I get into sin or false doctrine will you kick me out? (2) Have you ever done it?  Many churches will agree to number one but most have never experienced actually applying the Word in this context. 

I say this to simply say “thank you,” God for your amazing grace on this family, and thank you Trinity for being strong and bold enough to do something tough and uncomfortable for God’s glory. We got to experience something great this past Sunday because of that. We are truly blessed. 

When We Undermine Marriage

A few days ago I saw the blog below:  http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2014/02/21/when-gospel-loving-churches-undermine-marriage/  As I read this, I honestly saw how often even our church and other well meaning adults will undermine marriage without realizing what we are doing.  Marriage that, if asked, we would all say that we should all hold in high esteem. I hope the blog causes each of us to slow down and think through why we do the things we do and what messages we send with our actions. 

 

 

When Gospel-Loving Churches Undermine Marriage

When sociologists chronicle how the West redefined marriage, they will cite many factors, including progressive social pressure, willing media, and liberal theology. But thoughtful evangelicals shouldn't only point the finger at the outside world.

Even among gospel-preaching congregations, we've contributed to the steady erosion of a once-strong institution. And I'm not primarily talking about divorce or the wink-and-nod treatment for cohabitation. Here are three practical but powerful messages we've sent to our young people, the outside world, and to ourselves about how we really think about marriage.

1. Marriage is important, but not as important as immediate stability.

As a pastor, I can't tell you how often I saw fear in the eyes of parents with children in college. But they didn't fear that their good Christian kid would shipwreck his faith in the secular university or that their daughter would get pregnant. 

No, quite often these Christian parents feared that their son or daughter would find a suitable mate, settle down, and get married, while still in college. I once had a nice Christian mom tell me, "I tell my son, every week, 'Don't you go off and get married now. You've got to at least finish graduate school.'"

To be sure, some young men and women just aren't ready to tie the knot. As the father of three daughters, I will make sure the suitors who come to my door (and they will come to my door or they will not be suitors) are mature, spiritually and emotionally. I want to know my daughter isn't marrying a slacker who will live in my basement until he's 35, having mastered every level of Angry Birds.

However, sometimes we treat marriage while young as a plague to be avoided at all costs. We're telling our children, in effect, "All that stuff we say all the time about marriage, it's important. But pay no mind. Really smart people put off marriage until it's convenient." If our kids listen to this kind of advice, we rob them of this blessed, sanctifying tool in the hands of God. These rhythms of life, these cycles of repentance and forgiveness, make them more like Christ.

Yes, some couples should wait. But no one enters marriage perfect or even ready. More often than not we should encourage young couples to get married and watch the inevitable grit and grace of marital intimacy weave a gospel story.

2. Marriage is important, but not as important as our church activities.

Several years ago I attended a wedding at a church in one of the most concentrated areas of the Bible Belt, where traditional marriage still polls well. This couple had come to the altar after a life transformed by God's grace. Their story was one of brokenness, beauty, and redemption in Christ. But you'd think this event was a major disruption to the church calendar.

The bride and groom paid handsomely for use of the hall—and that's what this venue felt like on the big day, a rented hall. This wedding might as well have been celebrated in a sterile city hall building. And I'm not just talking about the lack of Christian symbols in the décor, but the stunning lack of interest, on the part of the church, to celebrate this wedding. To be fair, this megachurch probably couldn't give every single wedding the type of fanfare that family and friends want.

But on this day, the wedding seemed like a nuisance, a speed bump in the highway of the church's important weekend activities. The wedding party had a hard time finding help getting in the facility, finding the right rooms, and figuring out the sound system. The pastor, to his credit, was kind and helpful and had shepherded this new couple toward this day. But the couple heard a not-so-subtle, contradictory message: "Yes, we are happy you are getting married, but don't do anything to ruin our really awesome big idea we are doing on Sunday so we can draw people into our church so they can hear the gospel."

Few things demonstrate the gospel like weddings! Christian weddings aren't merely secular ceremonies. Each one celebrates God's loving, intentional design for the people he has pursued, rescued, and appointed as future kings and queens of the universe. The intimate union of man and woman before God helps us peer into another world. It's a signpost for another kingdom, a city whose builder and maker is God.

Weddings shouldn't be incidental occasions in the life of God's covenant community. They prompt celebration and worship. The church should gather around this new couple and bear them up by their presence, by their prayers, and by their generous giving.

3. Marriage is either the utopia at the end of your dreams or your worst nightmare.

More than one social commentator has suggested that long before the gay-rights movement, evangelicals undermined marriage by modeling in real life the opposite of what they preached. The problem isn't just no-fault divorce. Sadly, many lifeless marriages resemble business partnerships more than intimate union. No wonder many young people seem so disinterested in marriage. They've never seen marriage modeled well in real life. The intimacy, spark, and love evaporates just when the kids start paying attention. Avoiding the seeming hassle of marriage, young people check out all together.

In correcting this problem we can swing wildly in the opposite direction. We sometimes present marriage as something more than it was meant to be. Hoping to cultivate healthy sexuality, we sell marriage as utopia, the ultimate destination for hopes and dreams and good sex. We set ourselves up for disappointment. Even the most vibrant Christian marriage only offers a foretaste of a far better gift, Christ himself.

Marriage is neither the nightmare some portray it to be, nor is it heaven. Instead, it's a temporary theater where Christ is sanctifying us and working out his glory. Let's not preach the gospel from the pulpit but deny it in our attitude toward marriage.