Balancing Things Out

I absolutely love our faith family at Trinity Baptist Church and I have been honored to be here almost 5 years.  While it has seemingly never been an easy ministry, it has been an incredible blessing to my wife, boys and me. I have written several blogs about the way our church family views the importance of family worship. I, along with several of our staff members have explained in detail why we believe that a Family Equipping approach is the best biblical tool in teaching our children. I thank God for, and listen very often to men like Voddie Baucham who stand strongly for family worship.  As a body, we are strong on the local church, the importance of accountability, and equipping our parents to train their children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. We rejoice in the diversity of families that God has brought us at TBC: we have families that send their children to private school, public school, homeschool and at times a hybrid of one or more of these three. We have some families who want their children in classes at church with them and others who do not and, while this has never been an issue in our fellowship, we have recently heard from parents who are genuinely struggling with how they should see these issues. So, I want to take a blog or two and describe what we do at TBC and even to discuss how we should view things.

First, as stated above we desire more of a family equipping model to be used at TBC. Meaning, we feel the number one priority of teaching a child falls to the parents. It is our desire to teach, disciple and give tools to aid each dad in leading his family. We also think that each of us need to see and even hear from other believers. I have said before that an 8 year old and an 88 year old singing and hearing the same truth means a lot. It reminds the 88 year old that there is another generation of warriors for Christ coming up, but it also tells the 8 year old that what he is singing and learning is not just for kids. My boys need to hear truth and see me lead in worship in our home, but I rejoice that they can see multiple godly men around them that can also teach them. To think that the family must always be together in every worship context is not consistent with what we read in Titus 2. It seems that this passage outlines a time for distinct age and gender segregated groups, does it not? Through the years I have also found it interesting that some families who hold very strongly to the idea that the family must always be together have no trouble participating in a mother/son breakfast or a daddy/daughter dance.  In Judaism, the fathers would certainly understand their role in teaching their children, but the Rabbi would also have specific teachings for young men.  Jonathan Edwards would gather youth together for specific instruction separated from the rest of the body. I have a family for which I am accountable but I also preach to the family of God at Trinity for which I am accountable. I want to teach our boys what biblical manhood looks like and I try my best to do so, but I want them to hear from other godly men to see what it looks like in their unique circumstances. I want them to see how God uses different personalities and giftedness to glorify God in our diversity, not in our sameness. I want my boys to understand that if God so wills, He will give them a family to lead and love and there is no greater calling. But they also need to understand that I can make an idol of my family as quickly as I can make anything else an idol. Christ goes so far as to show that the gospel may divide families, so our true family is found with those in Christ. When I look at Matt. 12:46 it seems that Christ makes it clear that the spiritual family even takes priority over the natural family.

Secondly, this cannot become a “top tier” gospel issue. I believe in the sufficiency of Scripture. The Word of God is sufficient to tell us everything that we need to know; this obviously and by necessity includes the function and structure of the church. Scripture in no way commands that all meetings of the church body be integrated. Again, I thank the Lord for the movement away from the traditional structure of children and student ministry. To have a youth group in the church that becomes a subculture where they are combining youthful ignorance is not biblical in any way. However, to have times where students get together and are instructed in the Word of God is no less biblical than having a senior adult Bible study. In my family we worship together, we have meals together, we pray together, but we are not always together; at times my boys are upstairs in their “man-cave” playing PS3, or watching a movie. At times they have read a book and actually discussed spiritual issues without me. There have been older students in our church whom I have helped disciple who have, in turn stepped in and given my boys counsel and instruction. This is good! Balance is a good thing.  Within our fellowship there are differing convictions and freedom in this area, but wherever we fall…we must be biblically balanced in our approach. I hope this helps with our present members and visitors who have asked about this, as well as with readers who have not really thought through these things.

Dear Part-Time Church Member...

There is no doubt we live in a busy world - there are so many things to do and so little time to do them in!  For many families, worship is not a priority and sadly, they are the ones who suffer unaware for a while. I always enjoy Trevin Wax’s blog and he posted something that both pastors and church members should remember when looking at our life and examining our faithfulness to worship.

http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/trevinwax/2013/08/06/are-you-a-part-time-churchgoer-you-may-be-surprised/

Are You a Part-Time Churchgoer? You May Be Surprised

Geoff and Christine are thirty-something churchgoers who love Jesus and love their three kids. They consider themselves faithful members of New Life Community Church.

Their oldest is about to be in the youth group, and their youngest is finally out of diapers. Christine has been involved in the kids’ ministry through the years. Geoff is a deacon.

But they are part-timers when it comes to church attendance, and they never set out to be.

They are not alone.

Recent statistics show that an increasing number of evangelicals who are firm in their faith are flabby in their practice of actually gathering with their brothers and sisters in worship. It’s the part-time syndrome, and it can sneak up on any of us.

Let’s go back to Geoff and Christine. There are 52 Sundays a year, and last year, they attended a worship gathering on 28 of those Sundays. (That’s an average of about twice a month.) What happened?

•    Vacation: To maximize his allotted days, Geoff took the family to the mountains during the kids’ spring break, stretching over two weekends (one of which happened to be Easter!). There was the summer beach vacation, another stretch of a week and two weekends, and then a fall getaway. Total = 5 Sundays.

•    Sports: Their oldest son is on a travel soccer team. Many of the games are on weekends, and they believe it would be a better testimony to be among unbelievers on Sunday mornings rather than let down the team. Total = 9 Sundays.

•    Sickness: With their youngest child going to preschool, the family seems more susceptible to illnesses than before, and sickness always seems to hit on the weekends. Total = 3 Sundays.

•    Guest Preacher: When Pastor Jon is out of town, Geoff and Christine usually take the weekend off. They never like the guest speaker as much as Pastor Jon. Total = 3 Sundays.

•    Visiting In-Laws: Christine’s parents come twice a year to spend the weekend with the family. To maximize their time, they usually spend the weekends catching up and doing some shopping. Total = 2 Sundays.

•    Holiday: Thanksgiving weekend, and the week in between Christmas and New Year’s, the family is traveling. Total = 2 Sundays.

Geoff and Christine may be a fictional couple, but their situation is true for many of us. Recently, a church leader told me their most faithful attendees are only in church 2-3 times a month. They basically expect churchgoers to be “hit or miss” every week.

Danger #1 – Guilt You Into Going

Now, there are two wrong ways church leaders might address this issue. The first is to go all Hebrews 10 on everyone and emphasize the importance of the worship gathering, so as to whip people into shape and guilt them into church attendance. Sorry, but this isn’t a gospel-centered approach.

We should never take the command of Hebrews 10 about neglecting the church and isolate it from the preceding verses (about the privilege of coming before God in a community of faith that holds to a confession of hope). That’s giving the imperative (“Go to church!”) without the indicative (“You are welcomed into the throne room of grace with your family in Christ.”).

This approach also stresses church as a place we go, rather than church as the people with whom we gather. It reinforces the idea that the church is a building and leads people to think holiness happens by being present every week.

Lastly, this method could cause people to have a checklist mentality, where we pat themselves on the back for being in church 48 weeks a year, while neglecting other important matters – like justice and love. Churchgoing isn’t necessarily a sign of spiritual health. How many times do you think the Pharisees were absent from the temple?

Danger #2 – Avoid the Issue

The second danger is to be so concerned with the first that we fail to address the imperative in Hebrews 10 at all. In doing so, we ignore the importance of the church as the family of Christ, the people with whom we are to gather and hear the gospel.

Because of our strong distaste for legalistic checklists, we might minimize the counterfeit gods that creep into our lives and vie for our free time. In the desire to avoid legalism, we never mention that a ball can become a Ba’al for some, or that leisure and comfort can become idols that keep us from worshipping the true God with other believers.

In an effort to not guilt people into church attendance, we never make people aware of the fact that grace is presented week after week. Guilt is the result of not going to church – not because you feel bad for not living up to God’s expectations, but because you’re not hearing the message of gospel grace pounded into you week after week.

A renewed vision of worship

The best way to respond is not with guilt or with a false grace, but with the reminder of the purpose of worship. You aren’t there to fill up at the gas station (after all, you can get some sort of spiritual sustenance by reading or listening to your preacher’s podcasts apart from the body of Christ). This is a distorted view of the purpose of gathering.

The author of Hebrews clues us in. Being with your brothers and sisters is where you are able to stir one another up to love and good deeds. It’s the place where the confession of hope is celebrated and put before you and where you are urged to cling to it tightly.

It’s not the content you receive every week that is so formative; it’s the act of being together and making the Lord’s family your priority. It’s similar to a family that gathers every evening for a meal. The value is not in the specifics of your conversation, but the very act of demonstrating your love for each other.

We don’t go to church because of guilt. We are the church because of grace.

That’s what Geoff and Christine, along with you and I, need to remember.