Wedding Bells?

Inevitably, it happens every summer - it is the joyful celebration of couples joining together in marriage. I will confess to something that many pastors may not readily admit:  most pastors find it easier to do funerals than weddings. I know that sounds strange to many of you reading this, but as a rule we know that when we do a funeral we have no words to give comfort only the truth of the gospel and our hope in Christ is all we offer. But, for much of my ministry I have had a sense of dread when it came to weddings because you know that in most cases, you have parents dropping big bucks on a single day and they want everything special and perfect for their daughter:  the battle to make it perfect with so many people involved can sometimes be unpleasant!  However, over the last few years I discovered that much of the problem I had with weddings was because of my poor instruction.   I had bought into the American idea that the wedding was this one day that this sweet girl had always dreamed of, and I would spend time at end of several premarital counseling sessions really trying to find out what the bride wanted me to do in order to make this her special day. Now, certainly a wedding is a celebration, and we should want that day to be special; but, the desire for the bride to be happy has created shows like Bridezilla! We have taught and bought into the unbiblical idea that the wedding is all about the bride, and then in 3, 5, 9 or 12 years we are shocked that the couple comes in for counseling because the reality has hit them that the world, nor the marriage revolves around them.

The couples that I have dealt with at Trinity in the last year or so who have been planning their wedding have been the most enjoyable couples I have ever worked with before.  The main reason for this is because I am determined to change this mindset as a pastor.  I have purposefully taught from the pulpit –every time I speak of marriage - that the chief purpose of marriage is not about the couple, but it is solely about Christ. I have heard and said many times that “marriage was God’s idea” but too often after that is uttered in a wedding ceremony, we then put our focus on the earthly bride and groom. The purpose of marriage is to honor God; the reason for children is for a godly offspring. Neither the ceremony nor the marriage is about you, nor is it about me. It IS about God, and when we participate in a wedding ceremony it should drip with the beauty of the love and dedication Christ has to His people and that we should have to Him. Marriage is a wonderful idea that only God could have authored, and while it can bring wonderful joy, we would do well to teach our children, ourselves and our engaged couples that your happiness is not the chief purpose of marriage, God’s glory is. The more clearly I have taught this from the pulpit it has been amazing that during premarital counseling the focus has shifted from how can we make “Cinderella feel more like a princess” to the bride and groom asking for ways and ideas that they could better display the truth of the gospel and love that Christ has for His bride in their wedding.  Now, I must also say that the couples I have been counseling with in this area have been so focused on their walk with Christ coming into the relationship, that it has been a blessing watching as they develop a minset for marriage that is in covenant with Christ. 

All that to say, it has been so refreshing and joyful for me as a pastor, to watch so many of our newly married and soon to be married couples, walk in to my office using their creative energy not to focus on “self” but to glorify Christ on their special day! What a blessing!

Why Student Ministry at All?

As we continue to look student ministry, I believe there is a danger with throwing out “the baby with the bath water.” One of the greatest opponents of Student Ministry today is Voddie Baucham, whom I love and respect. We have hosted him at Trinity, and I thank God for a man who has actually had a great hand in turning many churches away from a traditional “student ministry” segregated model. However, the first couple of times I ever heard Dr. Baucham speak, it was at a student conference. He was clear and bold in his explanation of the gospel and biblical instruction as he always seems to be. But God used him in my life at a segregated student event! Ironic? I think so. I just believe it is necessary to look at things biblically and think things through. I hope the blogs posted from http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2012/04/30/why-we-need-youth-ministry/ has helped. Here is another one and in the next few weeks I will summarize my thoughts regarding these posts.

Why We Need Youth Ministry

So much of today's thinking in youth ministry is different than it was 20 years ago. Eating goldfish, iPod incentives, fog machines, and even chubby bunny are being reconsidered as the profession of youth ministry grows up. While it's easy to find a local youth group that still practices some of these bygone techniques, more and more ministries are changing. The important question coming out of this new era of thought is a simple one: Why does youth ministry exist?

Two thousand years ago, Jewish children had a clear path to adulthood that included youth ministry. The local synagogue would hire a rabbi whose primary role was educating children. Starting at age 4 or 5 (Beth Sefer) children would learn, read, write, and memorize the Torah. At age 10, having memorized the Torah, children would either spend more time at home learning the family trade or move towards the path of the rabbi. Either path led to an eventual acknowledgment of adulthood at age 30 for men. Culture considered the time in between the period in preparation for adulthood, and the synagogue was invested in that stage of life.

It's doubtful that ancient rabbis ate live fish to encourage their students. It's possible, though unlikely, that they stuffed as many honey-coated wafers in their mouths as possible to prove their rabbinic mastery. What seems clear is that youth ministry existed long before Young Life. Understanding this paradigm adds a bit of depth to the popular thinking that parents should be the only (not primary) spiritual directors for children.

Into the Present

Present-day youth ministry hardly resembles its ancient roots. Much of the discipleship we see modeled by Jesus in the Bible has been forsaken in the modern church. Consumeristic, attractional models of the church have flourished in Western culture. Youth ministry is also at least partly responsible for the most biblically illiterate, unchurched generation of Americans. Fewer and fewer young adults return to the church after they leave home. Caught in that paradigm, very few of us would belabor the end of youth ministry.

Just as it was in Jesus' day, young adults (and their parents) need help. The church would be suicidal to abandon a generation based on the failing, outdated model of youth ministry.  I see several necessities for the church today.

1. Youth ministry exists because it is needed.

The needs of adolescents are not contested by many of the best minds in the church and psychology. Robert Epstein in Teen 2.0 makes a strong case for cultivating this generation. "Young people should be extended full adult rights and responsibilities in each of a number of different areas as soon as they can demonstrate appropriate competence in each area." The church, if it wants spiritual depth, must reach out to teenagers and help them mature in their faith.

2. What worked in the past can work today.

Jesus modeled one of the best practices for the church. His discipleship did not depend on the latest book, the newest game, or the best icebreaker. Instead, his model relied on the spiritual health of the leader, and his willingness to spend time investing himself, his love, and his truth in them.

3. Resistance is futile.

The church in its current iteration resists change. Youth pastors trying to make changes for too many years usually have met resistance from church leaders. Still, newer practices in youth ministry are driving efforts to foster spiritual maturity, helping church leaders see the benefit of youth ministry that makes disciples.

Where Does This Leave the Church?

Youth ministry is a cultural phenomenon, but that does not negate its usefulness. Youth ministry will continue to evolve, but it will be needed as long as young people and their families struggle with bringing them fully into adulthood.